Guy Walks into a Bar (a series)
A Guide for Comedians. Stories for Comedy Fans.
When last we spoke/You Listened (12/6/21):
“You don’t have to search this article (audio as it were) for the all-important TAKEAWAY. It is crystal — DON’T BE A COPYCAT! It might be or seem easier, but you’re going to need a special kind of soap to scrub your filthy soul!”
My next issue (12/20/21), “Get Onstage,” will discuss places to perform and share your gift of humor!
Get Onstage #6
What good is being funny if you don’t have a place to be funny in?
You’ve lived, observed, learned, read (my articles hopefully), written, and you’ve got a set-list in hand. Now, what to do with it!
DISCLAIMER — This newsletter will make for a lousy resource of actual open mics, Bookers, venues, and the related. That pool is way too vast and then there’s geography — I’m in New Jersey and that leaves only, well, the rest of the world. I see this piece, as more of a general how-to… a game plan if you will, to finding stages, creating stages, and even earning a little coin. Additionally, the industry has nearly done a 360-degree turn, as far as the particulars of stage work changes, in my over three decades, and I’d be a giant Pinocchio if I said I’ve kept up with it all. It’s ironic to be writing a newsletter about where to find places to work and practice when you’ve become confused yourself on how to go about that anymore. I’ll make a few suggestions, and to keep this from reading like an electronics instructional booklet, I will share some of my journey.
A Different Time
Way back in the 1700s, when I started comedy, there was sort of a set of career steps that you followed. We called them levels. That word is still thrown around, now, and again in the industry, but these levels don’t exist anymore! For one thing, there were clubs, a lot of them, and the public was going out to them. As opposed to laughing at someone (Comic or not) for seven seconds on your cell phone, while walking through a parking lot on your way to grocery shopping. STOP THAT BY THE WAY — IT’S DANGEROUS! There was no shortage of open mics, within legitimate establishments, that catered to the comedy-hungry public. In fact, the competition to work for free, Monday through Wednesday, while improving your material, was fierce. Sure, club owners monopolized on our desires, but we needed this LIVE practice to get better for the opportunities and the paying work that was waiting for us. These open mics sometimes lent way to paid weekend spots at those same clubs. But, more likely prepared you for paying MC gigs at the many local comedy shows in restaurants, hotels, or just about everywhere at comedy’s height. Plus, the industry was watching and could be in the audience on a given night. This led to moving up in show position and pay scale, professional representation, and television opportunities/auditions. One might call that, step two/the next level.
I was pursuing “a career” in Stand-Up Comedy. I had a roadmap of stages that I would go to, Monday through Thursday, and was being hired for shows on the weekends. I wrote, recorded, and rewrote. It was a truly developmental training ground. Albeit there were scumbags who took advantage of you (such as with lousy money on sold-out nights and the “Bringer show,” which I’ll discuss later). In many ways, that is unchanged. BUT I had more cameras pointed at me, representation offers, and auditions for legit stuff, in the first five years of doing comedy, than I did over the course of my whole career. It honestly was, “a different time!”
[Things changed in the business. Pre-social media destruction, cable forced live shows to shoot themselves in the foot repeatedly. My priorities also changed my path. And unfortunately for you — those factors must be covered later in this series]
Finding Stages
So, as we end the dream sequence flashback [insert blurry picture and synthesizer sounds here] and it’s 2021 again, and I’m talking to YOU and you would like to know, “what do I do today, Shecky Greene?” Unfortunately, the sparse existence of traditional comedy clubs may not be the best environment anymore to work on your act. But they are still the most apropos!
- Search out your local clubs, or those that you are willing to travel to. As much as I despise technology, Google is a much better option than the giant hard copy industry guides us dinosaurs had to purchase.
- Discover the rigors that may be involved with getting some stage time.
- These days, you will deal with much smaller audiences and typically be surrounded by less seriously intended, or original, up and comers who inspire you.
I am not saying that unique talent is void today, but rather, the stakes and the standards are completely different. Regardless, as the Lion is indigenous to Tanzania, comedy clubs remain the comics home. Not only can you “workout” in a room that was meant for comedy, with people that came for laughter, but you develop networks of others with a similar passion. So, pick each other’s brains. Despite the given insecurities and consequent selfishness, that sometimes exists in this cage match, you should form alliances. There’s an adage in “the biz” that goes, “everything I ever got — I got from other Comics!” In a less-than-perfect world, we do support and inform each other, better than anyone else.
Creating Stages (with fair warning)
Like a Flu strain reinvents itself to outwit the Flu shot, so do new comics these days to circumvent seemingly impenetrable comedy club walls. They Create places to perform (paid or not) and practice their craft. Keep your ear to the pavement and your eyes on social media groups — there is no shortage on Facebook. If you communicate and ask questions, you will find Pop-Up shows abound, ripe with “greenies” (aka.: inexperienced acts). Unlike water for the California forests, there is never a shortage of Comedians or would-be Comedians, so take advantage and stay focused on growing as a performer. Converse just enough to be part of the group and continue to gather resources. But stay away from getting stuck only in the back room of “Milly’s Bar and Tap Room” (fictitious name) on Wednesdays. You will never earn your stripes if you become complacent so that you can then begin to tackle new territories, as well as unsolicited paid work and even industry opportunities. In other words, working in the same room or rooms with the same acts, all the time, is growth suicide! Sure, you like this group of ten people, they’ve become your friends, and you look forward to seeing them week after week. Plus, the joint is a mile from your house. But it becomes counterproductive after some time. You must be there with a purpose — to be a better Comic and a versatile one at that! So do not lose sight of that goal and accept leaving the nest, little bird. For everything should prepare you for everything. If you get too comfortable, however, you will never know just what you are REALLY capable of.
Put yourself out there and get well rounded and thick skinned. Even after all these years, when I think I’ve done it all, twice, some new challenge always comes along.
To be further redundant: Milly’s Bar (our fictitious room) might offer the advantages and comforts of homeschooling, but just think of all the social experiences you’re missing, when it’s just you and your mother in the living room.
The Bringer Show
Oh, how it sickens me to talk about this occasional — necessary evil. An advantage taking staple in the world of the new comedian. City clubs, or name brand clubs, really like to use this tactic/barter model. For example, “you can get five minutes of stage time if ten paying customers come to see you specifically!” Barking is another form of the Bringer. This is where Comedians are literally asked to advertise on the street and “bark (yes, similar to a dog)” people in. For each successful paying customer that they harass into a chair, they might receive one minute of stage time or five dollars, etc. … there are many sickening variations. Then, after the kidnapping of patrons, who were just out to buy smokes, you put on your Comedian Hat and play the star, as if you weren’t just a beggar. Talk about breaking the fourth wall!
Where it really gets horrendous, is when new comics ask these same things of other new comics, at our fictitious performance venue of Molly’s Bar and Tap Room. That is usually the result of one member of the troupe taking charge of promoting the venue, in collaboration with the business owner. Consequently, removing themselves a few rungs from the title of Comedian and more so to that of a Booker.
Back to the pitfalls of “the Bringer” (especially in the current marketplace) and the part that twists my stomach into knots. The laws of supply and demand, or the rules of business, whereas one hand washes the other, are understood. You help the club owner to generate income (usually on an off night) and in turn, they provide you with their space, which is part of their overhead. Hey, with enough personal support, you might walk away with a great piece of video that you can parlay into much more. The lines become blurred when these establishments do not reward you in turn. Let us say, in the form of paying you an outright salary to perform down the road, based on your abilities. Demonstrating, that they believe that you are good enough and that they will now promote you, while you continue to promote them. The latter is an extremely rare occurrence. The norm is that you stall in your relationship, as a bringer act, and they continue to use you (in a presumptuous manner) rather than show some respect and support. It’s archaic! It’s Comedy!
The dialogue is always about “asses in the seats.” Popularity does sell tickets and does help everyone concerned. However, there are 52 weeks in a year and it’s nearly impossible to find a slam dunk draw every time, so you (clubs, bookers) must let talent have worth. Good talent will whet the appetite of paying customers and they will want more. If they didn’t know of you when they arrived, they should want to know more about you when they leave. Ah, if only that variable was considered more often than is just sold tickets. For sometimes, shitty or overrated acts, who many times (most times) just got lucky, disappoint attendees!
Views and Followers
The Bringer concept has largely been replaced by the gauge of how many followers you have on social media. If you are not known enough — from a fifteen-second TikTok, of obscure stupidity (NO FUCKING RELATION TO YOUR STAND-UP ACT) — that posting your upcoming appearance at a club does not have people fighting for a ticket, you’re worthless to them. Torturing your friends and relatives to come and spend tons of money on a Monday night, during a blizzard in February, to see you perform for five minutes, and then having to suffer through herds of inexperienced (unfunny) other comedians, with perhaps one seasoned comic, who may or may not be the saving grace of the night was rough. Now, the pressure is much more intense … figuring out algorithms, instead of growing as an artist. Your focus is on somehow hoping that your seven-second lampshade on the head vid goes viral. The foundation of the Bringer show was Comics working for FREE! Let’s face it! Today, in show business, it’s how many people are viewing your vignettes (not your polished routines), while taking a shit, completely opposed to how funny you are.
Time for this writer to have some wine!
[There will be so much more in future articles about social media, self-promotion, being a working comic (then and now), and so much more…please stay tuned]
Virtual Nightmare
The pandemic, technology, and some entrepreneurial minds gave birth to Virtual performance. Stand-Up Comedy ON A LAPTOP, with tiny tile heads (I said tile) as your audience. It was a gallant effort to bring laughter to people if we couldn’t be in front of them. It also was Bookers attempting to make money in other ways. What it wasn’t — was good. Not for anyone, which is why you’ll never hear this at a party, “I saw this great comic on a virtual show the other night … until my screen froze.” We did what we had to do. Well, I didn’t. I thought about it, a friend warned me, I listened, and for my own reputation, I’m glad I did not. Now, it’s time to stop! I know the pandemic is still hanging around and I pray we never are resolved to only virtual shows, but as a comic, if you’re performing regularly on them, as a means to hone your craft and make a name for yourself, stop now, please. We need audiences, not images! As I’ve clearly stated, social media has done enough damage to this wonderful art form.
STOP HERE NOW, JOSEPH!
Folks, we’re going into part 2 with this newsletter. You’re tired of reading, and I must go and buy a Christmas tree. At the top, I brushed upon, “even earning a little coin.” I will devote the next newsletter to finding work, creating work, and dare I say, procuring work.
Summary:
Here’s the deal with finding stages and getting on them … you WILL get frustrated! Unless you just simply love making someone laugh (or only smile — depending on attendance) and have absolutely no desire to become a monster act, earn money, and advance your career. If the latter does not apply to you, despite your frustrations, complaints, bitterness (yours or others), and borderline abuse by the industry, fuck em’ if they can’t take a joke! You know what drew you to this path and you’ll remind yourself of that when the odds are up against you. Such as, in terms of what you thought performing Stand-Up would be. Remember: THIS IS JUST TONIGHT, NOT FOREVER!
